It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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