It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize