Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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