Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize