I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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