is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
