I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
