I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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