I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
