Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
