Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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