i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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