So drunk its hurt
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
