You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
