she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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