so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
