I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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