i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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