i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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