why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
