She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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