So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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