were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
