how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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