Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
