I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
