If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
