Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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