Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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