just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
