Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
