I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vagina is officially offended.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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