there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
