On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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