I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
