Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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