I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The best revenge is premature balding
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
