I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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