OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
