In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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