we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
