If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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