Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
