I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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