wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
