people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
