Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
