it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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