I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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