I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
