I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
