my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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