That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
