Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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