new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
