The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
