Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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