i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
