i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
