Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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