He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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