I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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