I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
