After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Congratulations! We have a period
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
