today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
