I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Come share oat with me in your robe
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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