I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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