FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
